I Could Never Leave The Past Behind
by italicizedkurt
Summary: New Directions sends Kurt off on his train to New York, and both Kurt and Blaine are having a little more trouble letting go than they thought. Not exactly sure if this is appropriately titled. Meh. A drabble I originally posted on Tumblr.


_**Zip.**_

"**Do you have everything ready?"**

**Kurt's head shot up at the sound of his boyfriend's voice, surprised he was already there. **_**No, you shouldn't be here. Not yet.**_

**He did a once-over of his room, which was much more empty than it had been a week before, and was already gathering too much dust for the sight to be considered even remotely jovial. But he was packed. Everything else was being shipped. Everything was ready, except Kurt.**

"**Yeah, I guess," Kurt replied, resigned.**

"**Good… good." Blaine's tone was a little off… a little blank. Not Blaine. "C'mon," Blaine said, with a nod of his head pointing to the door. "You don't wanna be late. They're waiting for you at the station, and your dad will meet us there." Tone still blank. Not Blaine.**

Xxxxxxxxxx

_**What the hell is wrong with you, Kurt? New York. **__New York__**, Kurt. It's all you've ever dreamed of. What do you mean you're not ready? You're ready. **__You're ready__**. There's no way you aren't. This is your dream, Kurt. Your dream. You're gonna live it. You're gonna live your **__dream__**. Isn't this everything you've always wanted? Isn't it?**_

**As Kurt finished looking into the pool of gold-green surrounded by an ocean of sad blue in the eyes of his own reflection, he flipped the glare shield back up, and looked at Blaine.**

**Blaine, who had been there in a way that no one else ever had been. Blaine, who loved him with all his heart. Blaine, who he loved with all his heart. Blaine, who was driving much too slowly and recklessly at the same time. Blaine, whose smile disappeared, the smile that used to be so alive and filled with genuine glee. Blaine, whose eyes were much too red, much too baggy, much too tired, much too sad, much too grey for the brilliant hazel that had been lost for the past weeks. Blaine. **_**Blaine.**_

_**No, it isn't. It isn't everything. Not anymore.**_

Xxxxxxxxxx

"**Blaine? We kind of have to get down sooner or later…"**

**A hand gently slipped on top of his, and Blaine blinked hard, trying to refocus. His fingers were wound tightly around the steering wheel of his car, and his whole body was tense and rigid. At the sight of Kurt's hand, he relaxed into his chair, trying to squeeze out as much comfort as he could from the leather cushion underneath his weight. He released his grip on the wheel just a little bit. **_**I can't let go.**_

"**Blaine, your knuckles are paling, please," Kurt said, begging in his voice, his thumb stroking the back of Blaine's hand. Blaine hung on for dear life.**

**Another hand came up to cup Blaine's cheek, just as gentle, just as sweet as the times before that, reminding them both that these gentle, sweet touches, gestures, hugs, kisses, would come less often. **_**No, I can't think about that. I can't- **_

"**Blaine, please let go."**

Xxxxxxxxxx

**Kurt finished up his goodbye with Mercedes with a hug and a kiss to the cheek. "You go and be fabulous," he said, turning her sullen expression into a teary laugh and a smile. "You know it."**

**And then just Blaine was left. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his jeans, although from the tightness of them, Kurt could see that Blaine's hands were balled up into tight, shaking fists. His jaw clenched, and if his eyes weren't looking anywhere but Kurt's, Kurt was sure he would've seen the dulled down hazel that tore his heart apart.**_**Thank god he's looking away**_**, thought Kurt for the first time. But there was no more avoiding this. They were at the station, Kurt was about to leave, and Blaine was the only one left to say goodbye to.**

**With a shrug of his shoulders, and a deep breath, he took a hesitant step toward his boyfriend. "Will you come with me for a while?" Kurt asked softly. Blaine's head turned up slowly, confusion written in his distant eyes. "I need to say a few things," Kurt clarified. A momentary flash of panic darted through Blaine's expression, but it was immediately schooled into one that held no emotion, an expression that Kurt was so tired of seeing. Blaine nodded his head jerkily, training his stare downward as the two walked over to a bench a few meters away.**

**As soon as they sat down, Blaine freed his hands from his pockets and started twiddling his thumbs, fixing the hem of his shirt, brushing lint off of the thighs of his pants, doing anything to get the butterflies in his stomach to die down. Kurt watched on in anxiety as Blaine fidgeted, which only made him more nervous for his little speech.**

"**Blaine," Kurt started, clearing his throat a little before continuing. "I know we've already talked about all this… but I've still been thinking.. for quite a bit… about what I was going to say to you today." Blaine quickened his thumb-twiddling. Kurt sighed. "But I think the most important thing right now, is that I meant what I said a year ago. And I'll say it again." Kurt scooted closer to Blaine, and brought his hands up to Blaine's cheeks, forcing their eyes to meet.**

"**I am**_**never**_**saying goodbye to you."**

**The clouds cleared instantly, and Kurt saw, once again, the bright gold in Blaine's eyes that he had missed dearly. The eyes immediately sparkled with tears, and Kurt's breath caught in his throat. It was the most tragically beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Kurt leaned in and brought their lips together, clinging desperately to Blaine's face as he felt strong hands wrap around his waist.**

**Kurt suddenly became aware of his own dampened, tear-streaked cheeks, and broke from the kiss to lean their foreheads against each other. "I'm so in love with you," he breathed, forgetting whatever speech he had prepared because**_**this**_**was perfect. And that was all the message he needed to give. Blaine brought his hands up to grab Kurt's wrists, holding them tightly. "You are the love of my life, Kurt," Blaine whispered in reply. Trying to revel in the comfort of holding Kurt for as long as possible, Blaine held onto Kurt's wrists, closing his eyes and**_**being**_**. **

_**You're not going to be alone.**_

_**I'll always be here for you.**_

_**You're just a skype call away.**_

_**I love you.**_

**And then it was night time, and Blaine was sitting alone on the bench at the deserted train station. The faint memory of Kurt behind a glass pane, Kurt's hand pressed up against it as Burt carefully patted his son's shoulder, lingered in his mind. Blaine looked at his own hand, which throbbed in the absence of the other hand it was supposed to be holding. He hugged his knees up to his chest, and cried. Harder than he ever had in front of Kurt.**_**Just a little longer**_**, he reminded himself.**_**Just a little**_**.**

**It must've lasted an hour, but when Blaine was finished, he simply shrugged it off. And despite his current state, a small smile tugged at his lips. Because he**_**knew**_**that the distance and the separation were irrelevant. And whatever would inevitably settle in between them, wouldn't really. Because this thing that Kurt and Blaine had, was so much stronger than**_**distance**_**, or**_**separation**_**. And it could wait just a little longer. Just a little.**

**Just then, his phone buzzed, and Blaine brought it out from his pocket. Kurt.**

_**Courage**_


End file.
